SATIRE
America: The Greatest Country on Earth our Fine World’s Largest Super Power
It’s been said for years America is the biggest, boldest and best country our world has ever known and as we look around why wouldn’t it be America truly has everything. In the south we find the largest fields, the north industries stretching to the brilliant blue skies, covering the East and west coasts lay pounds of the most magnificent sand for as far as the eye can see, and in the heart of America lays the bright glowing golden arches of undeniable happiness for all who enter into its doors. From a young age we learn bigger is better who wouldn’t rather have dollar verses a penny? A mansion in the suburbs than the leaky apartment in the Bronx? A king size verse the measly unfulfilling crumbs we call, “fun size”? As this theme has spread across the country our nation's scales are indisputable proof of how patriotic Americas truly are by carrying the weight of our county with them each day and really promoting how much bigger and better America is then those other meager bystander countries. It is the citizens of America who beyond doubt make our country super it is thank to the peoples willingness to eat a few extra doughnuts and walk around the block less and less each day that help push our nation towards bigger better heights. Stop reaching for that small go for the extra large and when asked, “Would you like that super sized?” Say yes because you are a piece of America the largest super power and you as an American have the right to be the biggest most super person you can be. All ways remember America who you are and what you represent don’t be stingy on your fries tonight even give the kids an extra coating of grease on their fried chicken and make sure to add a touch of Hershey’s into the baby’s formulas though she is young she too deserves to be a proud glowing member of the community because we are America the biggest, boldest and best country on earth.


FEATURE

Football or Commercials that is the Question
Saints, Colts and commercials oh my? It’s been an ongoing debacle for years whether we each gather around the big screen with family and friends for the purpose of rivalry football or the sure entertainment the five minute humor brakes in between each play that occurs throughout the night. This year is surely to be no different for the commercials are bound to be light hearted and the game itself a true battle to the end. It’s known that bringing up the subject leads to an argument in itself so I ask what does do the students of Alta think? Alex Saxton quoted “the super bowl? Well of course I’m only there for the commercials what are you thinking they are by far the best part of the whole night!” And Ashley Madsen added, “Of course I love the game it’s built in time you get to go re fill your plate with great super bowl treat to enjoy during the commercials.” However not everyone felt so strongly about the great entertainment American Family Insurance and Budweiser provide Matt Randall was a strong supporter of the game stating, “ Obviously I watch for football if I wanted to see commercials I could watch television the other 364 days a year February 7th is all about the brutality and competition of football.” Year after year this fight continues and only grows stronger with time and I guess just as we will never know which came first the chicken or the egg we too will never really know what makes the super bowl so special to the hearts of Americans and why year after year televisions flicker on and ratings rise higher and higher. However, one this is certain even though we might not all agree upon what our purposes are for putting our feet up and relaxing in front of the TV this upcoming Sunday afternoon we each are truly going to take part in having an absolutely “super” good time!